thoughts and questions, answers lie within the experience-ing

> >
> > If you don't mind my asking, what are the "rules" to your
> relationship. In my friends relationship they consider her and her
> partner the primary and they can act on outside crushes as long as
it
> doesn't threaten the other.
> >
> > I found this very interesting. I have a hard time conceiving of
> how she would not feel threatened by an outsider if your lover is
> expressing interest in them. In a purely romantic sense I can
> conceive of love between x and y that is so strong that it
transcends
> even the transcient mutable desire of human nature. In another
> respect--we are all granted differring levels of intellect, social
> status, body types, etc.., which change within the lover and the
> loved as well as the teeming world of propensities in "others" you
> may come to express and interest in.
> >
> > We are weakened and/or stregthened by the tumult of daily
> experiences and within the brute flesh of the world so many varying
> things may arise, which speculatively would bring about an end.
With
> that said--in her I see her relationship has become a discomfort
> predominated by fear and insecurity-- the things I look to be
assuaged
> from in a relationship.
> >
> > I acknowledge it takes a great strength of self to cope with
these
> realities, which is why I ask these questions. I'm think of
> something my philosophy professor had once said--"love is a game we
> must fool our selves into." Romantic life I think entails some
> degree of dishonesty-- there are nuances that arise about states of
> amouressness, small spectres of untruth in complements, etc... but
> I'm sure you not referring to these sublties--but in another
respect
> they seem to overlap into the realm you of "honesty" your are
> referring to.

> You write:
>
> "If you don't mind my asking, what are the "rules" to your
> relationship. In my friends relationship they consider her and her
> partner the primary and they can act on outside crushes as long as
it
> doesn't threaten the other."
>
> My relationship with my partner is like this as well. I have to say
> that our move to the open relationship status was my partner's
idea,
> and I have gone along with this reluctantly. I have gone along with
> it because I love my partner and want her to be happy. She says
that
> she loves me and I am her `best one' and she would always put me
> first. However she does want the freedom to pursue other love
> interests.
>
> As I have mentioned before on this forum, I have felt miserable and
> jealous at this new arrangement, but I choose to stay in the
> relationship as I think this option to be better than any
alternative.
>
> My new year's resolution is to overcome my jealousy. I draw on
> various philosophical views. Plato advocates self-mastery and Kant
> and Kierkegaard advocate the transformation of the will. I find
that
> my philosophical thought supports Sartre's idea that we are
> completely free to change our mental attitudes and behaviour. For
me,
> brute, primitive feelings, often the result of evolutionary natural
> selection, can be overcome by reason and will power.
>
> When you talk of romantic love, you sound very idealistic:
>
> "In a purely romantic sense I can conceive of love between x and y
> that is so strong that it transcends even the transcient mutable
> desire of human nature."
>
> As I mentioned in my last post, the ideal is something to aim for,
> but in reality is rarely, if ever, achieved. I have yet to meet the
> person who says that they have a perfect relationship. And if they
> did say this, I would be suspicious.
>
> Sustaining a long-term loving relationship is not easy, partly, as
> you say, because people change over time. Existentialism insists
that
> there are no ready-made answers to life's difficulties. We each
have
> to work out what is best for ourselves and our significant others
> with patience, clarity of thought and love. Sometimes this will
> entail working to improve a faulting relationship, and sometimes it
> will mean finishing a relationship and moving on.