otherness

IF the unusual were usual, i would still embrace otherness in some form. I'd slip right out of the mainstream still, and into the murky waters sloping alongside the footpaths.

why would you why must you why do you
where and when and how
why of course, why
and what
does it take
to lay
gentler hands
underneath the layer, of questions.

Homeless/Homeful

i am not an object. you are speaking to me. i have depth. visually its like a cross-section of the edge of Nature that doesn't exist to our eyes. my pores, the whirling beneath, the network of intricacies, real and imaginary, substance and wave, foam or mucous, crashing in, pulling out, pumping, filtering. my essence, my breath, my thoughts afar, near, here... i am hearing you, your words, absorbing into my skin, the world beneath, your thoughts, emotively sensing the taste of your breath. the day setting behind you.

---

being homeless/homeful. being full of life. inside. and the sun, outside. the water running through a busy town, built around an old vein. ruptured once. came back to life.
hopeless and hopeful, all at once.

monologue-dialogue.MartinBuber.

Joan of Arc Captured on this day in 1430.

Joan of Arc by Jules Bastien-Lepage

Captured at Compiègne on 23 May 1430 and transferred to the English, Joan of Arc (Jeanne d'Arc) was placed on trial in Rouen by a selected group of pro-English clergy, many of whom nevertheless had to be coerced into voting for a guilty verdict. Convicted and executed on 30 May 1431, she was subsequently declared innocent by an Inquisitorial court on 7 July 1456 after a lengthy re-trial process which was initiated shortly after the English were finally driven from Rouen, thereby allowing access to the documents and witnesses associated with her trial. The presiding Inquisitor, Jean Bréhal, ruled that the original trial had been tainted by fraud, illegal procedures, and intimidation of both the defendant and many of the clergy who had taken part in the trial, and she was therefore described as a martyr by the Inquisitor. After the usual lengthy delay associated with the sluggish process of canonization, she was beatified on April 11, 1909 and canonized as a saint on 16 May 1920.
(taken from http://www.joanofarc.info/)

statue in front of town hall in Vaucouleurs

her chart:

The Apple Story

Magritte

Durer (Adam and Eve)


Johnny Appleseed (drawing by i don't know who)

i made this up a while back. its a figurative way to describe the signs (astrology). it started off in a class w antero alli when he described Sagittarius as reaching for the apple in the tree, and Capricorn as grabbing it... I extended the story- starting and then ending back at Scorpio (excuse me for being scorpio-centric, *but please note* : this is not about ego-centricism either; these do not describe what you personally would do as your sun sign. we all contain aspects of every sign, therefore these are descriptions of what each and every one of us could possibly do with an apple- from wishing for one, to observing one, to consuming one).
it is an illustration of the apple's evolution as it passes from sign to sign chronologically.

the apple is used emblematically for its symbolism. mystically, as a forbidden fruit. an idea. a gift. knowledge. ...

scorpio
would be so nice to have an apple...to find one high up on a tree
...

sagittarius
finds an apple, reaches for the apple, looks at it from a distance
(thinks about the shape of it compared to the others,
how it grew, how it must have grown,
how long it took,
what that means)
...

capricorn
reaches for it, grabs it
(or as Jamie put it- climbs the tree and then grabs it)
...

aquarius
this apple is observed as a specimen- (a discussion about what kind of apple it is, etc, is started...)
...

pisces
(spiritual properties of the apple are appreciated)
it is now worshiped as an icon
...

aries
(physical aspects of the apple are appreciated)
it is now an object in itself, with potential for personal use

taurus
this is my apple. i will do something with it. maybe make something with it.
...

gemini
hmm.. how about a fruit salad, or
(a list of recipes is compiled)
...

cancer
i think (this) recipe feels like a good one
...

leo
(this is where something is made with it)
it is adorned- it is made to look appealing- and placed in a nice bowl
...

virgo
worries about the apple browning... then adds lemon to keep it fresh and hold on to its virginal properties
...

libra
should i eat it? should i not?
(brings it to a potluck, wants to show it and share it.)
...

scorpio
(wants to know where the apple came from, how it got there, and then...)
mmmmmmmmmmm
...

(my chart)

Song of Songs

Song of Solomon. also, parts of Chapter 2 sang by Kate Bush in a song by the same name.

Song of Solomon

Chapter 1

1. The song of songs, which is Solomon's.
2. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
3. Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.
4. Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.
5. I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.
6. Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.
7. Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?
8. If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds' tents.
9. I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots.
10. Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold.
11. We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver.
12. While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof.
13. A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.
14. My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of Engedi.
15. Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
16. Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.
17. The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir.

Chapter 2

1. I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.
2. As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.
3. As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
4. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.
5. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love.
6. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.
7. I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
8. The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills.
9. My beloved is like a roe or a young hart: behold, he standeth behind our wall, he looketh forth at the windows, shewing himself through the lattice.
10. My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
11. For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;
12. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
13. The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
14. O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely.
15. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.
16. My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.
17. Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be thou like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether.

Chapter 3

1. By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
2. I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
3. The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?
4. It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me.
5. I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
6. Who is this that cometh out of the wilderness like pillars of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all powders of the merchant?
7. Behold his bed, which is Solomon's; threescore valiant men are about it, of the valiant of Israel.
8. They all hold swords, being expert in war: every man hath his sword upon his thigh because of fear in the night.
9. King Solomon made himself a chariot of the wood of Lebanon.
10. He made the pillars thereof of silver, the bottom thereof of gold, the covering of it of purple, the midst thereof being paved with love, for the daughters of Jerusalem.
11. Go forth, O ye daughters of Zion, and behold king Solomon with the crown wherewith his mother crowned him in the day of his espousals, and in the day of the gladness of his heart.

Chapter 4

1. Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.
2. Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them.
3. Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate within thy locks.
4. Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armoury, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men.
5. Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.
6. Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, I will get me to the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense.
7. Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.
8. Come with me from Lebanon, my spouse, with me from Lebanon: look from the top of Amana, from the top of Shenir and Hermon, from the lions' dens, from the mountains of the leopards.
9. Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.
10. How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices!
11. Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.
12. A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.
13. Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire, with spikenard,
14. Spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense; myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices:
15. A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters, and streams from Lebanon.
16. Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.

Chapter 5

1. I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.
2. I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night.
3. I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them?
4. My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.
5. I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.
6. I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.
7. The watchmen that went about the city found me, they smote me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took away my veil from me.
8. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved, that ye tell him, that I am sick of love.
9. What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women? what is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us?
10. My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand.
11. His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black as a raven.
12. His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set.
13. His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh.
14. His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires.
15. His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars.
16. His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

Chapter 6

1. Whither is thy beloved gone, O thou fairest among women? whither is thy beloved turned aside? that we may seek him with thee.
2. My beloved is gone down into his garden, to the beds of spices, to feed in the gardens, and to gather lilies.
3. I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.
4. Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners.
5. Turn away thine eyes from me, for they have overcome me: thy hair is as a flock of goats that appear from Gilead.
6. Thy teeth are as a flock of sheep which go up from the washing, whereof every one beareth twins, and there is not one barren among them.
7. As a piece of a pomegranate are thy temples within thy locks.
8. There are threescore queens, and fourscore concubines, and virgins without number.
9. My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.
10. Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with banners?
11. I went down into the garden of nuts to see the fruits of the valley, and to see whether the vine flourished and the pomegranates budded.
12. Or ever I was aware, my soul made me like the chariots of Amminadib.
13. Return, return, O Shulamite; return, return, that we may look upon thee. What will ye see in the Shulamite? As it were the company of two armies.

Chapter 7

1. How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.
2. Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies.
3. Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins.
4. Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes like the fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy nose is as the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus.
5. Thine head upon thee is like Carmel, and the hair of thine head like purple; the king is held in the galleries.
6. How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
7. This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.
8. I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples;
9. And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.
10. I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.
11. Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages.
12. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves.
13. The mandrakes give a smell, and at our gates are all manner of pleasant fruits, new and old, which I have laid up for thee, O my beloved.

Chapter 8

1. O that thou wert as my brother, that sucked the breasts of my mother! when I should find thee without, I would kiss thee; yea, I should not be despised.
2. I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate.
3. His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
4. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, until he please.
5. Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved? I raised thee up under the apple tree: there thy mother brought thee forth: there she brought thee forth that bare thee.
6. Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.
7. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.
8. We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for?
9. If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will inclose her with boards of cedar.
10. I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.
11. Solomon had a vineyard at Baalhamon; he let out the vineyard unto keepers; every one for the fruit thereof was to bring a thousand pieces of silver.
12. My vineyard, which is mine, is before me: thou, O Solomon, must have a thousand, and those that keep the fruit thereof two hundred.
13. Thou that dwellest in the gardens, the companions hearken to thy voice: cause me to hear it.
14. Make haste, my beloved, and be thou like to a roe or to a young hart upon the mountains of spices.

---

This book in: Latin עברית

the Truth about the SF Torch Relay

there are a lot of dumb news articles about the torch run in SF yesterday.



SF Team Tibet thanks all our supporters for a victory on the April 9th Olympic Torch run. We stood up together with our friends from Darfur, Taiwan, Burma, Falun Gong and Chinese human rights activists: together we rejected the torch, we were nonviolent and we sent Mayor Newsom and his Chinese government handlers running to the hinterlands of the city and the airport with their tails between their legs.


Olympic torchbearer, Majora Carter, is removed from the torch relay on Van Ness Avenue in San Francisco, Calif., after displaying a Tibetan flag she had had hidden until she was carrying the torch.

Check for Regular Updates and Join SF today

for regular updates in SF:
live-streaming blog
and
twitter

Torch Route Change

SF Mayor Gavin Newsom (skilled at sneaking around) announced that there is a change in the route (and will give no further details).

(click the above link to stay updated)

"One World One Dream, FREE TIBET"

Students for a Free Tibet scale the Golden Gate Bridge today! Traffic blocked, one lane is closed.
Free Tibet Campaign and footage
(video-livestream)

**CALL TO ACTION**
Boycott! Genocide Olympics '08!
TeamTibet schedule of events

April 8
Tibetan Freedom Torch Ceremony, March and Rally

April 9
Team Tibet Mass Mobilization to Protest the Olympic Torch Relay in SF

Gore- "we" Climate Campaign

"An Inconvenient Truth" did well in urging the public to use compact fluorescent light bulbs (which contain mercury), but this is not enough to combat global warming. Putting commercials on shows like "American Idol" is the next step.

Former vice president Al Gore will launch a three-year, $300 million campaign Wednesday aimed at mobilizing Americans to push for aggressive reductions in greenhouse gas emissions, a move that ranks as one of the most ambitious and costly public advocacy campaigns in U.S. history.

"and this emptiness fills my heart"

i will attempt to write love, as is warned against me. i will step right in, to the world of words and 4 letters and exactitude and type-o's and spelling errors. i want to learn to write it. my friend A won't partake in this journey of writing, so i am going to begin in the world alone.

i've been having dreams of testing the water, and each day i step in further.
my words can be understood or not, believed or not, but i know that they are coming from that cavernous blood-pumping hole in me, muscle pumping with confidence, i know it exists and i will risk my life with it, again and again.

two airports in one day. like the coming and going of stability in relationship. departing of words arriving of hurt. sensing, yet unable to construct comprehensible language as it comes out in improper ways. flattened underfoot, or swallowed in tears after passing through the dirt on my face.

yet i can't ignore the intensity. i feel my mouth fill with saliva, overflowing soon enough, my body and breath quickening.

[lets make this even cheezier- even tho i love this song...]

the double-imagery of the bird flying at the end is my favorite part

killing moon

those nights are back. staring at the empty sky in the dead middle of the night. those cold cold nights. rags. threads. blues and reds. grays, bright lights, electric streets, waiting for the bus, those wanderers woken from the dead, riding bus and riding street, my walkman stop ffwd flip play, electric wires never sleep. wanting to connect in some way. i'd call laimah, at weird hours which made more sense to new york but still weird. being so confused. an aimless feeling. when all i'm wanting is to make sense.

‘I am prepared to face China. I will go to Beijing'

Blood flows from the forehead of a Tibetan
monk beaten by police during a peace
rally in Kathmandu, Nepal.
(Photo: Brian Sokol / The New York Times)

The last thing China wanted, in the year it is to host the Olympic Games, was the world watching its army brutally suppressing protesters. One of the central myths the Chinese government propagates is the unity of the state and the happiness of the 55 ethnic minorities within it. The Chinese government had hoped to have a display of traditional Tibetan dancing at the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. If it now moves to suppress the protests with force, it faces the possibility of an Olympic boycott. But if it lets the protests continue, the world will see how widespread is the unhappiness and resentment of China's Tibetan people. "Tiananmen is the face of China, the face of Beijing so many broadcasters would like to do live or recorded coverage of the square," said Yosuke Fujiwara, the head of broadcast relations for the Beijing Olympic Broadcasting Co. Casualty figures and details about the protests and China's response have proven difficult to confirm because China is tightly controlling the information and keeping out all foreign journalists. "You can't just host glamorous events for television while things are going topsy-turvy in your own backyard. The host has to allow thousands of journalists into the country - you won't be able to sweep anything under the rug." (Frank Walter Steinmeier for Bild newspaper) Aside from Tibet protests, the government said it foiled a plot this month by Muslim separatists in western China to blow up a China Southern Boeing 757. Foreign activists angry about China's support for Sudan, which is party to a civil war in Darfur, said this week they would demonstrate in Beijing during the games. After the Icelandic singer Bjork shouted "Tibet!" at the finale of a Shanghai concert this month, officials ordered tighter scrutiny of all performances. The Boy Scouts seemed to get caught in a response to both the sometimes violent Tibet protests and Bjork; police canceled all on-field entertainment for the exhibition baseball games, including the singing of the Chinese and U.S. national anthems. None acknowledged that harsh policies in Tibet have provoked the unrest. It's easier to keep blaming the Dalai Lama. Almost half a century after he fled to India, the Dalai Lama has raised the extraordinary prospect of travelling to Beijing and holding face-to-talks with the Chinese regime in an effort to resolve Tibet’s most serious crisis for two decades. -Published on Friday, March 21, 2008 by (Andrew Buncombe) The Independent/UK, (Lindsey Hilsum) Newstatesman, and The Associated Press historical footage: current:

cultural genocide

and the "Genocide Olympics".
darfur genocide

no amount of sole brain-work will explain what has gone on in the blood of these people. there is clearly more to the reasoning if they are willing to put their bodies up against china in this way.

Big Wheelin' Tight Rollin'

feelin like bones are twisted and heads rewound. my body mentally and physically stimulated and broken, warped, drained, flattened by the big wheel of this country. plastic monster trucks!

but my swollen limbs are breathing hard...

lunar-centric

i'm charged with a boundless energy, still contained within the staggered route my blood travels. through the streets. a staggered beat.
i melted into a puddle. and i ran (away) into the ocean. arms are above my head. but not anything else. not above my head. this is what it speaks...

robert mapplethorpe to patti smith, best friends, sometime in the late '70's:
"don't leave me (don't date him) or i'll become gay."

sometimes we wish we could, and we're jealous and envious of that annoying idiot who seems to get it. (get some-thing, which we view as a weakness cuz it disgusts us. it disgusts us becuz we can't accept it in ourselves- or, we just can't get it for many complex reasons which we havent fully accepted in ourselves) ............................but what about them? if we weren't so self-centered, we'd work our shit out. seeing ourselves and reality through others. and sometimes people who seem "strong" are also just really hard-headed which could mean they feel so fragile its scary to admit to it. but on the outside- visibly- they seem strong and we like to ride on their backs and praise them and look down on anyone who, like us, attaches ourselves to them.

---

so then the energy flows through those tunnels. and i am questioning lately why it does not speak out more, outside of my body, out-ward. its not that i don't want to.
something about being put on the spot- the center of attention- all eyes on me- expectations, to act and perform- to prove or be- to fill gaps that needed filling on their own- to accomplish what they never had accomplished on their own...

maybe its going somewhere, or these thoughts are getting somewhere.
thing is, i wouldnt be thinking certain things if it werent for our conversations- which i value so much. i am really liking the challenges to my ideas.

therefore the energy might withdraw in-ward because of the intimidation involved in feeling eyes on me. like i am, or feel, like assumptions have already been laid on me, that the overall environment isnt new altogether, and this all might just be illusory info in my mind; my mind creates a situation (from past issues which are now being addressed) where i put pressure on myself to live up to some idea already placed on me- and therefore i withdraw. 'lose form'. i don't seek out, but might be easily pulled towards it if i were seeked out since in a shy state i might need that, feeling like the new one in the picture.. still somewhat unsure of my place and comfort around the relationship to the environment i'm coming into.

it doesnt have to be this way. thats whats great about getting these things out. recognizing inner reality as compared to actual reality. like the flow into the ocean. it begins in the puddle. the charge i feel in my body from our interactions starts it.
[so key questions that have come up have to do with my outward energy, and withdrawal of. questions around being/not being vocal, and being defined by the visible; the ability to project energy outward/deliver it and to what level through confidence, and from there- intelligence being measured by the visible (this visible form).]

sxsw - sensory overload

there is way too much music and noise and chaos and there's also a lot i am enjoying and Which takes over? i'm not sure. . i just know i wanna go 'home' very soon- sooner than i have planned... and there must be a way i can do it.

the state of the world and how we define ourselves

thing is, i don't speak in that language- i don't use that prose- i don't construct words as those- i speak visually- i revolt as the paint pours from my mouth- i speak anguish-ingly of pain throbbing in my head, and dust covering my eyes. when i listen, my listening happens in a different order. i process differently, organize thoughts differently. what do we name ourselves? do we name ourselves? gemini classifies and names, categorizes and labels. so as far as "lifestyle" goes, what are you anarchiving? annihilating? what color is your skin? where do you come from? where do you see yourself going from here? do you feel satisfied? fulfilled? experienced? expressed?